Monday, June 20, 2011


I have learned that the most selfish emotion out there is grief. I own it, have trouble sharing the depths of it, have trouble dealing with it, and have little to no room for anyone else's. While this is all true, and I do feel very selfish in my grief, it is one of the few things I have of you. My selfishness comes from not wanting to share the scraps of "life" I have associated with you. I know that others have been hurt by my selfishness, and often I do not care. Is this good for me or them?...probably not, but to open up and let some of it go means I have to let even more of you go, and with so little left, I refuse to let any more of you go. Hopefully one day all this grief will turn more positive and become something that I can own...and share. Who knows, but just know that through all of this I have realized that the depths of my grief are only equalled by my love for you...and I feel very selfish in sharing either one of those things right now.

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