Last night brought back a "friend" who hasn't visited in a while…Mr. Flashback, and your Daddy has a few words for him. For many reasons, none of which I will go into here, last night was a tough one. So, maybe in my physical and emotional exhaustion, my brain let its guard down enough to allow my old friend, Mr. Flashback, to come for a very much uninvited visit.
For those of you who have had flashbacks, you understand the difference between them and nightmares, and maybe you understand that you learn to manipulate the nightmare and turn it around so that terror turns to something far more manageable and often, by the end of the nightmare it morphs into an almost tranquil dream. So, while I still have nightmares from time to time, my mind has learned how to pull off this trick and transform them into peaceful dreams (It is amazing what the semi- and sub-conscious can do). Back to flashbacks…the mind does not have enough time to work its magic on them. Flashbacks are extremely brief moments the are almost like holding a camera button to the past down for rapid fire images to load in the brain. Unfortunately, flashbacks are far more terrifying and vivid than nightmares due to the fact that they are 100% real images burned into the psyche that take us back to the most horrible moments we never want to relive.
So, back to last night. Mr. Flashback decided that he is not finished with our night time "conversations" just yet. He was all to happy to show me every image from the moment you died to the moment I went into denial and shock. The audacity with which he came into my mind again was nothing short of criminal and I hate him for disturbing (in more ways than one) me like that. How dare he take over my peaceful place, my rare moments of quiet serenity? Well, that is the last time I am going to allow my "friend" to have that much control. This time I am going to invite him back and teach my mind to exert the same control it has learned to defeat the nightmares. I may not always win, but I am damned sure going to even the score and then turn the tables in my favor. So, to you Mr. Flashback, here is your open invitation to come back anytime…and bring your "A" game because I am bringing mine, and a helper too.
I love you, my little helper!