Thursday, February 7, 2013

One Amazing Kid

It is closing in on two years since Colin has died, and it amazes me every day that he is still gone. Some days it seems just like yesterday since I held him and others seem like an eternity ago. Having Audrey here is wonderful but often a reminder of what would have been with Colin. It is not a slight against her at all. The only thing she could do better is sleep through the night, but that will come in time...just like all babies.

However, this post is not about Colin or Audrey really, it is about the strength and resiliency shown by a 5 1/2 year old little girl. It constantly amazes me how Ava just keeps being Ava through everything. She has had to deal with several layers of understanding already and has accepted all of them with a grace from which we adults can (and should) learn. She keeps 'Baby Brother' alive in her heart and mind in such an innocent and precious way that it often brings a tear to my eye to see how well she has grown in spite of the past two years. It also makes me wonder what may be hiding on the inside (hopefully nothing) that she has yet to understand on any level...but that discussion is for another time.

This is about a 42 year old man learning lessons from his 5 1/2 year old daughter on how to handle the death of our son/brother with amazing strength, resilience, and grace. She is an inspiration and makes me so proud when I see how much she has grown and adjusted especially knowing what I know and having seen what we both saw that night almost two years ago. I always fear those hidden scars surfacing at some point, but to date, the only scar tissue Ava deals with is mine, and with every smile, every laugh, and every remembrance of her baby brother, she heals some of those scars. My wife and I are so blessed that our big girl (she will tell you she is no longer little) is one amazing kid!


  1. My Julia also isn't sleeping through the night yet! (7 months old) I understand what you are saying. This year at Christmas many people said "it is good you have Julia this year", but really, that made it HARDER for me! While I enjoyed Julia's excitment I thought more about what we were missing with Alexander. How much he would have enjoyed Christmas this year! (he would have be 3.5 years old)
    One day at a time is all we can do!