Saturday came and went. We went to church and had the service dedicated in Colin’s name (we did this last year as well). We juggled kids and chores and it wound up being a fairly typical Saturday. With Audrey requiring so much attention, and Ava always wanting to play, or color, or do whatever with Mommy and/or Daddy, there is not much time to really do anything but take care of the girls and keep the house in relative order. This is not to say that the day was not filled with thoughts of Colin and some sadness because of it being the anniversary of his death…that is far from the truth, but it was not the intense pain of the first anniversary. Maybe time has softened the blow a bit, or maybe it is just the fact that with a six month old in the house, the focus had shifted. I am not going to over analyze it any longer. It just is what time and normal life has brought about after these two years.
Colin is as loved and as missed as he ever was. That will never change. What has changed is the focus of our family’s energy. Audrey and Ava need their parents to be in the here and now, not pining away for a second chance to change what cannot be changed. So, instead of mourning and openly grieving, we have moved on to a new stage of our lives that is about refocusing on family and making sure the girls are in a loving and present home. Colin will always be a part of this family, and always be remembered and loved, but the sad reality is that he is dead, and dead is not something we can change. We can only cherish the time we had with him and keep him very much alive in our hearts and minds.