Friday, June 24, 2011

The Certificate


Usually I talk directly to you, but today I am going to just vent a little and let you know how much some things still hurt. Yesterday, I got home from work, parked the car, grabbed the mail, opened the door and did what I do just about every day. Unfortunately, the mail really sucked yesterday. When I sat down to open some things, I noticed an envelope from the funeral home, and before I even opened it, I knew what it was...your death certificate. I know you died. Mommy knows you died. Ava knows you died. Now it is official according to the state of Maryland, and with the cause of death in nice bold black letters so I can go right back to feeling horrible about you not being alive anymore...Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I hate those damned words, and I hate that all they do is explain what did not happen to cause you to die. Nothing like a conclusion of exclusion to give peace of mind. Your being dead SUCKS! The official cause of your death SUCKS! and at this very moment life and the world really SUCK! I hate having a folded up piece of paper telling me how my son died when I should have my son instead.

Thank you for letting Daddy yell a little and tell you how much I hate the fact that you are not here.

I love you and miss you!


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