Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Inadvertent (hopefully) Stupidity


I thought I would share some of the profoundly stupid things people have said to try to make me feel better since your death. It helps Daddy to get it out of his system through sarcastic responses to such things (even if most responses stay in my head as not to abuse the person who is probably unintentionally stupid). Here are some of the things I have found that either hurt tremendously or made me wonder if the offending person was raised in a closet.

10. "Everything happens for a reason" (kind of generic, but not the right thing to say at the time)

9. "I know exactly how you feel, I had a parakeet die in my hand many years ago" (seriously...they are $10 at PETCO)

8. Any "at least..." statement (my son is dead...at least...what?)

7. Any form of advice about how to deal with/move on from/get past your death (unless you have been there, well, let's just say silence is golden)

6. "You can always have another child" (thanks for the biology lesson folks, Colin is Colin, not a replaceable part on a car)

5. "You are so strong, I don't know how you get up each day" (ummm...bullet to the brain is not a real alternative, so seems I have to get up whether I like it or not)

4. "Be glad he was so young that you didn't get that attached" (yes, the hits keep getting better...I was attached from day one)

3. "God plucked another rose for his garden" (He got the rose, I got the fertilizer...seems fair...please)

2. "You have changed" tied with "You aren't the same person" (you must have a doctorate in Psychology there Sigmund)

1. Drum role please..."Look at it this way, at least you are saving $1,100 a month" (referring to day care and college expenses...WTF?!?! and this person has children!)

There you have it my dearest son, the top ten stupid things people have uttered when they should learn to change that brain/mouth filter on a regular basis to ensure proper flow and function. I could go on, but I have shared many other ones with you already, and I may need another "top ten" list to channel my hurt, anger, frustration, and devastation in a less destructive manner.

I hope you have the same sarcastic sneer as your Daddy. I imagine that you do.

Love and Miss You,


  1. My dear friend,

    I just dont understand how people can be so oblivious to how we are feeling. I had the same exact idea for a blog after my parents tried to make me feel better on one of there visits by telling me "Zayana would want you to be happy" and "she would want you to let her go". I love my parents but they sometimes don't get it. People dont get it! Someone put it to me in a simple way, "You get over the flu, not the death of child". So true. Im so sorry your dealing with some moronic people. There really is nothing else I can say besides I'm sorry. Take care and great post!

  2. Glad I didn't make the top ten. Number 4 actually made me laugh out loud. BTW: the cop that gave me a ticket on the way to Colin's funeral told me to let you know that if you are a good Christian, you will be reunited in heaven and that ought to make you feel better. I know it doesn't make your top ten -- but I thought it deserved an honorable mention.

  3. I always like the "they're in a better place." Well, I don't care. I want my son HERE, in this crappy place with ME.

  4. Just finding your blog now. Very sorry for you loss. My Alexander went to Heaven on April 1, 2011 after a 13 month fight against Neuroblastoma. He was only 21 months old. I have heard many of the things you listed here. Just two weeks after he died, two different people asked my husband "do you think you will have more children?" Umm...hello!!? It has been two frinken weeks! Do you think we forgot about Alexander already!?
    Praying you are making it though each day - one day at a time.