Music

I have always really enjoyed music. I play it at work all day, and when we get home, we turn on the radio within a few minutes and play music until after dinner when it is time to start getting Ava prepared for quiet time and bed. For the most part, I was not a critical listener though. Some songs have always held meaning for me, but not the real deep meaning that I now find in them. One song that really strikes me in a different way than before your death is Pearl Jam's Indifference. Before it was just a well done rock ballad that mad me think of all the stupid things I have done in my life and wanting to go back and right all my wrongs. Now I listen to it and think of how I would do any of the things mentioned in the lyrics to have you back and then knowing that I will not get you back. One line, in particular, sums it up for me..."I will make my way, through, one more day in hell." If you had a child die, you know the hell I am talking about. If not, there is no real way to explain the hell we all walk through or the hell we would walk through for eternity to have our children back. the only thing we can do is make our way through one more day.

I will talk to you soon, Colin. I love and miss you very much!

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Indifference by Pearl Jam

I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
I will stand arms outstretched, pretend i'm free to roam
I will make my way, through, one more day in hell...

how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...

I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
hey I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind

how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make..
how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room

how much difference
how much difference
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...