Dead is not a Bad Word

Colin,

In reading lots of grief/bereavement support information, Daddy has grown increasingly tired of the "pleasantries" everyone tries to attribute to the word "dead." Anyone from friends and family to professional grief counselors use words like "lost, loss, gone, taken, and passed." Your Daddy is going to ask that people stop trying to softball the fact that you are indeed dead. It is a simple fact of life that if your Mommy, Big Sister, and Daddy have to accept, then it is time for others to accept it too. Here is how these words sound to Daddy.

1. Lost: keys get lost, wallets gets lost, people get lost without proper directions...you died
2. Loss: there is the loss of innocence, fear, sometimes sanity...you still died
3. Gone: I ate all my dinner...it is now gone, as I get older more of my hair is gone...you are still dead
4. Taken: A seat is often taken, a number at the deli is taken...yep, you are still dead
5. Passed: This one is most infuriating...A football gets passed, so does the buck, as does gas, and finally, time passes and the simple horrible fact is that you are still dead

A note to those who follow this blog: Please treat me/us like adults who have to accept the fact that Colin is dead. We are his Mommy and Daddy who live with this fact every second of every day of our lives. Trust us...we know that he is not lost, gone, taken, etc. These pleasantries that society has taught us to use in order to try to help, in fact, do not. As much as the word "dead" has a morbid finality to it, the simple fact is that Colin is dead, but by dealing with it head on it helps us know that you accept this fact, and are in a place that we can talk openly about his life and his death. This is what helps us.

A last note to you, Colin: While Daddy knows that you are physically dead, you are very much alive in the hearts and minds of Mommy, Daddy, and Ava.

I love you!
Daddy