Thanksgiving

Colin,

Daddy knows that he has a lot to be for which to thankful, but this year sure does not feel like it. For everyone and everything for which to thankful the one thing that I was most thankful for this year was you, and you are dead. Please do not get me wrong, your Daddy is very thankful for the two months you were alive but still has problems coming to grips with the almost nine months you have been gone. The guilt, regret, anger, confusion, frustration, sadness, fear, anxiety, and so on are still all there. I guess that is why Daddy is not feeling very thankful this year. My beautiful son has been replaced by an ugliness that hurts in ways Daddy never thought he could hurt.

Someone told Daddy that the amount hurt you feel is equal to amount of love you feel. I will try to hold on to that notion this Thanksgiving and give thanks for what I do have.

I love you!
Daddy