Monday, December 5, 2011

Speaking Up and Speaking Out


Later today, Daddy is going to be interviewed (with Mommy's blessing) by a reporter in the Milwaukee area for an article he is writing about infant mortality and the feelings of the parents who have had an infant die from SIDS. We spoke briefly on the phone Friday and this gentleman said that no one was willing to talk to him since the media has "all but demonized them, and now they suffer in silence." He hit the nail on the head with that one. In reading comments from people in regards to some of his articles regarding infant mortality and SIDS, I have found that it is not just the media, but the general public who demonize SIDS parents. The going in assumption is that we parents have done something wrong and are, therefore, to blame for "killing" our children. Hopefully by breaking the silence and speaking to this man about the aftermath and all the feelings that come from living with your death, your Daddy can help convey a message that lets people know that we are not demons, we are not evil, and we did not kill our children. SIDS needs to be discussed in a way that does not link it to suffocation, asphyxiation, neglect or abuse, and is not anything any loving parent would ever want to happen to their child or any other child. So, like it or not, Daddy is now a voice for SIDS education. Trust me, it is not something your Dad ever expected or wanted, but someone has to speak up, so why not me? You deserve Daddy's best efforts to help others educate themselves and better understand and support all SIDS parents.

I will let you know how it goes. Much love!


  1. I hope it all goes well. I'll be sending up some extra prayers for you.

  2. Yay! Good luck! You send the dude my way if he needs more talkers. I'm tired of the nonsense, too. You'll do great.

  3. Cot Death (as we know SIDS in Scotland) doesn't have the demonisation that it seems to have in the States. Here, it's simply seen as an appalling, senseless, random act of fate but without finger-pointing or blame. What a legacy if your courage and strength could save a life you'll never know. Sending you all much love and prayers. Lynsae x

  4. I am a former Firefighter/Paramedic/Fire Lieutenant. During my 15 year career, I tended to many infants--and their families--who suffered SIDS.

    Not once in my career did I or any of the men and women I worked with, or later those under my command, ever blame a parent for SIDS. Not once.

    We too were stunned and shaken upon arrival into the homes of families. We too felt the hopelessness--but we also knew that our primary responsibility lay not with the child but with the parents. While our overt activities may have seemed to be only involved in the baby, our minds and our hearts and our souls were with the parents--with *you* parents.

    We knew that we could have easily *been* you.

    Although this is a career now in my past, my duty to you continues, so I am sharing my story.

    You are not at fault and you are not alone.

  5. Since I do not know your name, I will just refer to you as Firefighter.

    Thank you for your comments, Firefighter. It is refreshing to know that there are people in this world who have compassion and care about SIDS parents, and try their best to acknowledge and understand what we are going through.

    I am not saying that the majority of people out there demonize us, but the numbers are enough that I felt that I had to say something to help those factions understand that we are loving parent who had a terrible and unpreventable tragedy happen, and that in the end, all we want is compassion and to not be told that we somehow killed our own children.

    I am sad that I felt compelled to do this interview and to have to write about all the misinformation, misunderstanding, and misguided anger from those who have never walked the path of a SIDS parent. So, I spoke up in order to do whatever I can to honor my son and educate those who still think SIDS is the fault of the parents.

    Again, thanks for your kind words.


    Have you read this article?
    Also I am so very sorry for your lose. I wish your family peace and rest.

  7. I have read this article and many more regarding toxic gas theory. My son died face up on my chest that, and this very detailed article alone debunk the toxic gas theory.

  8. As the mom of a SIDS baby 35 years ago, I understand the pain you are feeling and the need you have to educate the lucky ones. Just so you know, the pain is always there but the intensity lessens, and my son is as much in my heart and my mind everyday as he was 35 years ago. Thank you for your advocacy.