Colin,
Daddy recently had a few people he knows have a pet die, and you Dad truly felt sorry for them. Having a pet die is like having a part of the family die as some pets are with you for 20+ years. However, having a pet die is something you get over, and most people eventually get a new one. Mommy and Daddy buried two cats within a year of each other. They with with us for a very long time, and Daddy dug both graves. It hurt, sucked, and was no fun by any stretch of the imagination, but, in the end, it was like going to the funeral of a distant cousin...you feel a sense of loss, but mainly you feel badly for those who loved them most, and your sense of loss quickly disappears. Why is Daddy talking about a subject he has already addressed before? Well, it is because of how Daddy reacts after people remember that Daddy had a child die, they all of the sudden stop their story, apologize (over apologize actually) and tell me how sorry they feel for ever bringing it up and how Daddy's loss must be 1000 times worse, and how they can never imagine being so strong, brave, inspirational...blah, blah, blah, blah...BLAH!
What these folks still do not realize is that it is ok to mention you and the fact that you are indeed dead. Is it a fun fact to deal with? By now means. Is it a subject Daddy always wants to talk about? Nope, Daddy knows all too well that you are dead. Is it even something other people feel they should first associated with your Dad? Not really. You are tremendously important to Daddy, but so is your Mommy, your Big Sister, and the newly baby to arrive later this year, so as much as you mean to Daddy, he has at least three other people who mean equally as much, and they deserve to be acknowledged too. I guess what Daddy is saying at this point is that there is a strange point in time when he became more comfortable in dealing with everything associated with your death the the people around him. Maybe it is because Daddy deals with it all 24/7/365 or just that Daddy has found a way to incorporate your death into the daily fabric of his life, but either way, he just wishes that people would...(1) stop with the dead pet stories, and (2) stop feeling badly for sharing those stories since their most profound sense of loss is the family pet. There still is no comparison, but there really does not have to be.
I love you and miss you!
Daddy
people will often bring up Alexander and then say "are you okay to talk about him" As if I might burst into tears. I tell them it is fine, in fact I LOVE to talk about Alexander! (and who cares if I DO burst into tears!) I read this great quote by Elizabeth Edwards, who had also lost a child:
ReplyDelete"If you know someone who has lost a child, & you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died ~ you're not reminding them ... they didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, & that is a great gift."
~ Elizabeth Edwards