Friday, November 9, 2012

Rock Bottom

Over the past 20 months I have done tons of reading about SIDS, loss, support, coping mechanisms, and every other thing I could find to help avoid rock bottom. Well, I have hit it so many times that the damned rock has huge cracks in it. Funny thing about hitting rock bottom...actually two funny things...1) you never bounce, you just hit with a resounding thud that leaves you breathless and aware but helpless to move, and 2) no one ever told me that the bottom can move. Yep, you heard that right, rock bottom is like an elevator. It moves up and down depending on your emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Unfortunately, my health in those three categories has been horrendous as of late, and rock bottom has moved to depths that almost cost me everything (may still...there is a lot of work for me to do). Actually, there is a third funny thing about rock fall really hard and hit it with a crash, but the only way up is an arduous climb up a rickety set of stairs that may give way at any moment. However, the only real choice you have is to keep climbing and hope you do not step in the wrong spot and fall flat on your ass again because rock bottom may be heavily populated, but it is a very lonely place. Hopefully I can make it out for good and repair all the damage that has been done. Only time and effort will tell, and I plan on exhausting both to fix my life in a way to make my wife, daughters, and son proud to say that I am Steven, Daddy, and Husband.

1 comment:

  1. The bottom hurts a whole heck of a lot. But you are not a lone in your fall. If you haven't yet, please consider checking out The Compassionate Friends. I have found the group to be very helpful in my grief journey (18 months in now for me)
    one day at a time.....

    mom to Angel Alexander the Great