Another Daily Anniversary

Well, here we are on yet another anniversary that no one wants to celebrate. It is official. Colin has now been dead for four years. Yesterday was far tougher than today since we went to church and the mass was offered up in his name (per what we do every year), and friends started to well up and look over at us since just about everyone knows whose child died and where we normally sit. It is an awkward moment when you catch the eyes of someone crying for you and your dead son, and all you want to do is stare at the floor and pretend to not be noticed or notice them.

Anyway, yesterday got me thinking about today and what does the actual anniversary date mean. Is it different from any other day? The answer to that question is yes and no. It is different for everyone else because they have their own lives and while friends and family think about Colin and us from time to time, they do not live "it" every day…we do. So, there is the no part of the answer. It is not different for us because every day is its own anniversary. Every day is a reminder of another day that we will never get to see Colin grow up and never know what it would be like to have a now four year old little boy running around the house. So, the anniversary date really is just a marker in time for everyone else to reflect about whatever they need to. It is also a day when they reach out to share that they too lost the "neighborhood baby" those four years ago, and it is comforting in an odd way to know that they still grieve in their own way. Maybe it is not so odd actually, since Colin's death really did unify a community in its own way. Many relationships started soon thereafter, and many others flourished because of the outpouring of support. So, on this anniversary, Colin will be remembered and love a little bit more by all who miss him.

Tomorrow, everyone will go back to their normal routines, and that is what should happen for all of them. We will also go back to our normal lives and routines, because tomorrow, and every day forward is just another anniversary we recall and reflect upon but never celebrate. Colin is missed a greater deal by a great many people, and that brings comfort on this particular day when we all take a moment or two to think about how and what he would be like now.