Friday, March 13, 2015

Please Help a Friend

I spoke with a friend today with whom I have never met in person, but has the common bond of burying our sons. We also share the bond of having buried them pretty close together in the month of March. Sadly he just passed the first anniversary of his son's death, which is the toughest. To compound things, the contract he was working on expired, and he is battling a case of about being kicked in the gut...repeatedly. This is not just beyond unfair, it is some cruel joke someone is playing on my friend. So, by now, you are probably wondering why I am rehashing his troubles here. Well, I am writing to those who still come here from time to time, to take a moment and let my friend here know how you survived. Let him know that you can make it and go on living a good and productive life. Let him know that as dark as it ever gets, there is still a glimmer of hope that keeps you going. He knows my story, and how I have made it this far. I know he knows other stories as well, but being part of this god-awful club does give us the power and responsibility to help one another...especially during the really dark and difficult times. So, on behalf of my friend, I am asking that you let him know how you survived...and continue to survive.

Comments are open, so you can put your story here if you like, or just your own blog or message boards. Either way, just post it so my friend and others who feel all hope is lost, know that it is not.

Thank you


  1. Dear Friend,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am approaching 4 years since my son Alexander died. I know some people may have told you that "it gets better". but, not really. it just gets different. Yes, there are some better days ahead, but you will always have that pain. After my son died we had another baby. She was perfect. then, I got pregnant again. Our second daughter has Down syndrome, and had to have open heart surgery at just 6 weeks old. I understand that kick to the guy feeling!! However, she is doing wonderful now. Yes, she still has Down syndrome, and yes I am sometimes sad an angry about that! but, I continue on.
    I miss my son every day. I talk about him often, whenever I get the chance.
    There will be better days ahead. I can't tell you when. (I was told the second year wold be worse than the first and for me it was true!) But, one day at a time you will make it through. One day - sometimes one MOMENT at a time. I have found a lot of help through The Compassionate Friends. If you have them in your area give them a chance.

    Sending you love and peace

    Nancy - Mom to Angel Alexander the Great


    I don't really like the title of that link because it seems a little misleading, but I really love the message. I found that post yesterday, and it really sums up how I got through it, by just being in the dark days and being with my grief. It was unbearable for a very long time. But now we are coming up on 5 and 4 years since our daughter and our son's deaths, and I can say that I am in a much better place now than I was even before they came along. It still hurts like hell, but there is a lot more love and happiness now.

  3. Good on you for helping out one of our own.

    I am quickly approaching 3 years in about 10 days. Am I better than I was 1 year out. Yes. No. Maybe. Yes, I am. There are days that sneak up on me. There are times that I am hit with an immense feeling of grief and guilt that I am overwhelmed. But the frequency of those episodes is nowhere near what it used to be.

    You can read my blog here:

    I don't post much anymore, I just don't have it in me. I really need to get back to it. It helps me to spill my guts and feelings out for others to read.

    If I had one piece of advice to give, from one dad to another, it would be to take care of yourself. To hell with trying to be the strong one. I tried that and the only thing it did was make me more distant from my loved ones.

    Wishing you peace in this horrible time.