Saturday, September 24, 2011

Daddy/Colin Time

Hey there Colin,

It is 9:10 tonight and the house is quiet. Mommy is not feeling 100%, and Ava is sound asleep. Your Daddy is getting another one of those rare moments completely to himself when he can just talk to you. Daddy really does not have a ton of things to say or any random musings or contemplations, rather Daddy is just enjoying the time to sit and reflect on everything that has happened since March 2nd, the good, the bad, and the really, really bad. People may think Daddy dwells on the really, really bad stuff too much but it is just his way of processing everything and finding ways to cope and change all of those negative feelings, nightmares, flashbacks, etc. into something that he can cherish in a positive way. I know, cherish may sound odd, but a man told me that you can either cherish your grief and make it a part of your being or let it erode your very soul until you are emotionally and spiritually dead. That man was right, and just know that your Daddy fights as hard as humanly possible to cherish everything he ever had of you or associated with you. That is all for tonight, son. Sleep well.

I love you! Good night.


  1. There's a conversation in the movie "Rabbit Hole" about grief that I liked. Your blog entry reminded me of it...
    Becca: Does it ever go away?
    Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't - has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
    Becca: How?
    Nat: I don't know... the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be aweful - not all the time. It's kinda...
    [deep breath]
    Nat: not that you like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is...
    Becca: Which is what?
    Nat: Fine, actually.

  2. Oops. Sorry. This is actually Rebecca. I just realized I'm in under my husband's account.