Another Tuesday in October

Colin,

Today is a pretty nondescript day. It is a nice sunny Tuesday in October. The weather is beautiful, and the day has been productive. The only thing about today that will suck is yet another work social function, the type which your Daddy did not much care for before you died, in which people pretend to care about how each other are doing only to morph back into work related conversations within 10 minutes. (Can you see me making the barf sign yet?) This one is about celebrating actually getting our jobs done...woo hoo! I tend to celebrate getting my job done by going home and enjoying our family, not talking about how well we did the jobs we get paid to do. I would prefer all the party money just be added to my pay check and I will buy better wine or beer and enjoy it on the deck.

I guess I am sharing this because, believe it or not, I am a very closed and private person by nature...and do not enjoy socializing at parties all that much. This may come as a surprise to you and anyone who follows your blog, but it is the truth. The fact that I type and talk to you almost every day here is actually very difficult for me. Often I cry as I type. Sometimes I stare at the screen for quite some time not knowing what to say or if to say anything at all, but I do because I want to help myself get everything out so I can keep moving forward. I want to help other Dads (and Moms) feel comfortable enough to open up as well, and most importantly, I want to always keep you in the forefront of my thoughts so I can hold onto your spirit as tight as possible. That is why your very private and closed off Daddy puts it all out there for the world to read...because it really is about your spirit being kept alive and strong, and for that I have to keep forcing myself to go against my nature and open up as often as possible. You deserve nothing less.

I love you and miss you!
Daddy