Still Awake

Colin,

It is 11:30 p.m. and Daddy is still awake. Normally all Daddy wants to do is sleep and avoid the outside world as much as possible, but for some reason sleep is just not happening right now...and it is not that Daddy is not asleep, it is that he is not even tired. The mind is racing in a million directions and Christmas approaches, and then your first birthday. The are also days coming up for friends like tomorrow when I think about Ernesto and Chris and how they are doing with the holidays, and Bryan, and Kelly, and Mika, and Rebecca, and Vanderlay, and Vicki, and...well you get the idea. There has been too much death this year in Daddy's life, and 2012 can not get here fast enough, yet the new year can only last for one day. Daddy does not want January 2 to arrive because that mean March 2 is way too close to come.

I know that your Dad talks too much, thinks too much, and dwells too much, but the holidays were never Daddy's favorite thing until Ava was born, and then you. Trees finally meant something other than decoration. Christmas meant more than just some gifts that would last until next year, and seeing Ava's smile as she tears apart the wrapping paper to see what Santa brought made Christmas morning the best day of the year. It will still be a good day, just no longer the best. "Santa" will remember you this year (and every other) too, and Daddy will make sure that through the sadness and the pain that your Big Sister will still see Christmas through the eyes of an ever amazing child, just as Daddy would have made sure you did as well. In some ways though, I guess you get your own very special Christmas since Ava always says that you are in heaven playing with baby Jesus which means you get a Christmas with the man himself. Just let him know that it is ok to open one present on Christmas eve...it's a Daddy rule.

I love you!
Daddy