Counting Down

Colin,

Here we are, you and Daddy, entering the last month of the worst year of Daddy's life. You see, while the official death certificate lists your death at 12:11 a.m. on March 2, 2011, Daddy knows deep down in his heart that you were already gone before the official pronouncement. In some ways, the 1st of every month has been more difficult than the 2nd. The 2nd is just the official marker in time but has nothing to do with the reality of every single thing that brought us to 12:11 a.m. Daddy will not get into all of the details, as he thinks everyone knows enough already, but the images that flash through Daddy's brain and every horrible second replaying as crystal clear as each flashback before remind Daddy of how much this still hurts. Kind gestures, like the one Daddy talked about yesterday, help ease the pain for a short time, but then the brain decides to cut that time short and ever so rudely reminds Daddy that as close as he was, he was not close enough or fast enough or whatever enough to save you. Daddy misses your smile, misses your bright eyes, and simply misses you.

I love you!
Daddy